Well, I am now writing not as a wife but as a woman in limbo of being single or being married. Wow, I really didn't think I would ever end up here. It's not like I thought I was special or exempt or anything. I just thought that the man I married and I had really thought things through and made a promise to one another that we would always work things out. I think that just goes to show that you absolutely never know what might happen. We all have good intentions and maybe I will remain a married woman, that has yet to be determined, but one thing is for sure I will remain a devoted mother. I will never give up on my daughter no matter what happens. She will always be my priority and I will always love her unconditionally.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Years Later
Divorced, single mom. That's what has become of my tangent life. I guess it's no surprise to any of you, but it was to me. It's been almost 2 years to the day since Ivie and I moved out. Everyone knew we were unhappy, but I guess I thought we would figure things out in the end. We didn't....life is what it is, I guess.
I never saw myself where I'm at right now. I've had a complete and total nervous breakdown after the divorce, chronic depression, moving twice, my house being hit by a tornado and having to live in someone else's space for 2 months. I can say it truly sent me over the edge. In addition to all that, I lost a friend of 10 years to a petty fight, then she dies in a car accident. I'll continue to add to it because I need to get it all off my chest. I didn't see my beloved sister for a year because we were both too broken to help each other. Her husband battled cancer once again and is still not out of danger. I want to be there with her sooooooo very badly. I want to support her. I want to stay home with my daughter and take care of things at home, but I know I can't do any of those things. I have to work, I have to be more than a mom, more than a sister, more than a friend or a lover. It feels like I have to be it all and I'm not sure I can be. I probably shouldn't complain, I have a decent life when the depression is absent. I have to admit, I sometimes wish I were born in a simpler place and time.
I never saw myself where I'm at right now. I've had a complete and total nervous breakdown after the divorce, chronic depression, moving twice, my house being hit by a tornado and having to live in someone else's space for 2 months. I can say it truly sent me over the edge. In addition to all that, I lost a friend of 10 years to a petty fight, then she dies in a car accident. I'll continue to add to it because I need to get it all off my chest. I didn't see my beloved sister for a year because we were both too broken to help each other. Her husband battled cancer once again and is still not out of danger. I want to be there with her sooooooo very badly. I want to support her. I want to stay home with my daughter and take care of things at home, but I know I can't do any of those things. I have to work, I have to be more than a mom, more than a sister, more than a friend or a lover. It feels like I have to be it all and I'm not sure I can be. I probably shouldn't complain, I have a decent life when the depression is absent. I have to admit, I sometimes wish I were born in a simpler place and time.
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